Someone sent me this question based on the news piece we did last week on adoption and minority children in Memphis.
I thought it might be helpful for someone else out there, so I’ve posted it here.
Original question:
Hi Ashleigh!
“I saw the adoption special on channel 3 news last week. We have seven children of our own, ages 7-23, but have always been open to adoption. In recent years, that idea has been re-surfacing, and I’ve been trying to do some research and be open to whatever the Lord wants to do with us and our family. I have friends who have adopted overseas, and one of the things that has always struck my husband and I is, what about the children right here? So I was very interested in the news special. I posted the article on my fb (I have several friends interested in/trying to adopt, etc) also. One friend sent it to her friend who has been trying to adopt for a couple of years now (a foreign adoption). She got excited and called to find out more information, and she was told that the story was basically a hoax (not sure if that was her word or theirs) and there was lots of mis-information given and that there are not a lot of children waiting to be adopted. My pastor’s wife also told me when they looked into adopting a year or two ago, they were also told that there were just mostly teenagers available (they had younger children so didn’t pursue it). Another friend tried to find out more, and she was also told that this was really not the case as well. So I wondered if you could give me some idea what is really going on here…It sounds like your experience does not match what these others are being told at all! I went back and litstened to the news special again, and it seems like they backed up what they were saying. So what should a person do if they are interested in adopting locally? Any words of advice would be appreciated. I just can’t believe children need homes and there are lots of loving families open to adopting and there seems to be so much confusion and road blocks to making it happen.
Thank you so much!”
And here was my response:
Hi! Nice to “meet” you.
I’ve got a few minutes this morning – would love to answer more questions, but I’ll get right to the point.
The short answer is – it’s just a whole lot more complicated than the news piece showed (they really just didn’t have the time honestly).
There are several ways to pursue domestic adoption. One of those ways is through private agencies. We went through Bethany to adopt Jones. Different agecies have different waiting lists and adoption rates almost solely based on how many birth mothers CHOOSE their agency. At the time we adopted Jones, they had quite a few babies that they ended up placing out of state because there were no families with the local Bethany that wanted a black baby. A lot has changed since then – there are more families now that are open to all races and quite frankly, less birthmothers have chosen to place with Bethany in the past year or so (this has NOTHING to do with Bethany as an agency, a lot more to do with how many birthmothers are placing babies up for adoption).
There are several other agencies in town – but again, it depends on how many families they have waiting and how many birthmothers are choosing their agency. It literally depends on who you call from day to day what answers you will get on “wait time”.
As for the state/foster care system. There are DEFINITELY way more than just teenagers that are waiting for homes.
This is the public list of waiting kids:
http://www.adoptuskids.org/states/tn/browse.aspx
Most of these children are older, but these are ONLY the kids whose parental rights have been terminated and are “paper ready” to be adopted.
There are hundreds of children in Shelby county who are in foster care, but will eventually have their parental rights terminated and be up for adoption.
My suggestion to you is to go that route. I say that for several reasons.
#1 – The foster system is a HOT MESS and these kids NEED healthy families. Unfortunately there are some parents (not all, but some) who want to foster children so they can pocket the cash. This is heartbreaking and only further damages these kiddos.
#2 – It’s free. Not only is it free, but they give a daily stipend to help cover the costs of the child/children.
#3 – You can request which ages you would accept, how many, almost anything and can turn down referrals for any reason.
#4 – If you’re looking for kids that are a little younger, they USUALLY start in foster care before getting to the “paper ready” stage.
A couple of misconceptions about foster care…
The ONLY reason that the child would be removed from your home is if YOU requested that or if they were returning to their birthparent. The state does not “bounce kids around”, it’s foster parents who bounce kids around. (Yet another reason they need SOLID families!)
I think it might be worth at least going to a meeting and learning about what it takes to become a foster family. You sound like you have an amazing heart and are probably a FANTASTIC mother with so much experience!!!
Ok, I realize this may be more than what you were asking – but I get so excited about people wanting to adopt and hate it when there are misconceptions that stop people from pursuing it!
Let me know what other questions you might have.
And of course, if it’s a newborn infant that you are wanting, I WOULD recommend going through an agency like Bethany or LifeChoices.
Oh and to clarify – the daily stipend is for the duration of them being in the “foster care” stage…usually once you actually adopt them the money stops. BUT, when they are older – (over 9 for white kids and over 2 for black kids) they CONTINUE to write you checks even after you have officially adopted them. THIS is what the news piece was trying to cover, but sort of missed.
Hope this helps!!
ashleigh
