Attachment and Jesus

Things have been just a little bit busy around here the last month or so.  Going from 3 to 4 kids has definitely been a transition, but I feel like we are hitting a groove – I actually can shower in the mornings after they eat breakfast, that my friends, is how you know you’ve “arrived”.

In all my spare time I’ve been doing reading on toddler adoption and attachment. (Here’s my little list of books/resources.)  Last night, I read that the experts agree that attachment is formed when needs arise in the child and are met by the parent.  So with babies, they are hungry and their mama feeds them, they are dirty and their daddy changes them, they are scared and they are comforted by a parent.  For both the parent and the child, this is how their bonds are strengthened.

This morning I started thinking about how I get frustrated that God puts us in situations where we are needy.  Situations that He could very well just remove from our lives.  And then it hit me that this might just be the way we are bonded to Him.  That we have needs and He is our need-meeter.

And the interesting thing that I read last night said not to rush too quickly to meet needs before they even arise.  That it’s ok to let the child feel hunger so that you are the one who feeds them.  It’s ok if they are cold, because you’ll be the one to warm them up.  And even things like nightmares are GOOD things for attachment because you are there to comfort and dry their tears.

While we were in Ethiopia, Abigail had terrible motion sickness.  Every single time we got in the car, she would just go limp.  It was so so sad to see her hurting, but also so sweet to be able to hold her and comfort her through it.

I wonder how many times God, in His wisdom, doesn’t rush in to fix a situation because He knows that ultimately, our greatest need is to be attached to Him.  To run to Him to have our needs met.  And when all we see is a bad situation, He sees an opportunity to be our Father.

So last night as I fell asleep I wished that Abigail would wake up with a nightmare just so I could be the one to comfort her.  No shock that around 2 am, I heard her crying.  I put her in the bed with John and I and just held her til we both fell asleep.  Early this morning, the first thing she did before my eyes were even open was to plant a big ole kiss on me.  Being woken up in the middle of the night was totally worth it.

I’ll never begin to understand why God allows all that He allows, but in a small way I see a Father’s heart in allowing us to feel a need.  My prayer is that He would also continue to be my need-meeter and that I wouldn’t grow angry at what some may call slowness, but instead trust that He’s ultimately after my attachment to Him.

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