Your story is very much the same as mine. I know I wasn’t the perfect husband; there are ALWAYS two sides to everything. When my wife’s FB affair(s) started it really rock my world and eventually effected the environment in the house, my children were affected no matter how much we tried to keep things out of ear shot, they just know. I almost became obsessed with trying to monitor my wife, to see if she had actually ended all communications etc. I was monitoring phones, computes, email, analyising her behavior etc etc. I was so hurt and obsessed about all of this, I kept thinking, if only she could stop all of it, step away from the computer and work together with me we might be able to save our marriage of almost 20 years.

Now it is over a year later, our divorce will be final in a week or two, I went through several emotional phases, shock, anger, resentment, sadness, etc etc. Eventually, I looked at the big picture; the reality is she had one foot out the door before the first FB affair, she though she had been trying to get my attention that she was unsatisfied and unhappy and if I am honest with myself she was, but I was so busy in life, trying to be a good provider, a great Dad, work on the house etc etc that I just didn’t get it.

Now, looking back I wish I would have just called it quits a year ago, so much pain would have been saved, I could be focusing on my happiness and really focus on my three children. I am already so much happier. Yes I have flashbacks, I have my “victim story”, I have occasional bouts of resentment and many nights I am very very lonely. But it is all changing, some day I’ll meet someone else that will make me happy and will appreciate me for who I am. I have also taken an honest look at what I could have done better, what I did wrong which I think is critical to really ‘let go’ and to not repeat the same mistake in the future, with a significant other, or with my children or close family and friends.

I don’t know you, but I know this subject all too well. I strongly recommend you quickly and swiftly leave your husband. You’ll need a good counselor (an attorney is not a counselor) to help you before, during and after. Your husband will react in all sorts of ways, make you feel guilty, blame you, make you worry about the kids, make promises etc. But…if you want to really make a difference in your life and your children’s life, this is what is needed. You never know, it is entirely possible that you and your husband could re-marry in a year or so, once everyone eats some humble pie and moves past the emotions of the moment. I go to the house to see the kids, have dinner with them and my (ex) wife, they all come over here, the kids are coming and staying at my place on a regular bases and my wife and I are working as friends and partners when it comes to co-parenting. So who knows…I’m just taking it a day at a time and what comes to be comes to be. I would be glad to chat with you one on one if you ever need an ear. Just send me a note at guyricha (at) g mail (dot) c om

BTW – on the subject of divorce. It is a horrible horrible process, my ex and I tried really hard to work together and it got so difficult and complicated and EXPENSIVE because of the attorneys. Their goal (all of them) is to milk you. I highly recommend going with a ‘Collaborative Divorce’, it is much more civil, private and constructive. Just do a Google search on it.

and why you are at it…..you should let everyone off the ‘wedding hook’ as well…….wedding invitation emails…..save you like 500 hundred dollars…..and then people could reply so much easier if they were coming or not….